“The darkest nights produce the brightest stars.”
— Unknown
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I’m in a place where I’m trying to just do for myself. For my mind and my body and just make sure my health is good… Meeting someone new scares me so much I feel like I would fuck it up if someone who was in the right state of mind came along. Does that mean there’s something wrong with me? Someone who is super patient and respectful and as well as teach me a few things and want to push me to be my best self as well as just grow and be positive altogether. It’s fucking weird to me. I’m just not used to it! I know it sounds fucking crazy. My guard
is all the way up. And let me tell you why.. My emotions are not all there because I haven’t had someone touch these wounds and fully understand why I am how I am. I’m just trying to do my thing in the best way that I can. Live stress free… Imagine asking God for specific traits in someone and you revisit those thoughts until someone stands in front of you doing the very things you asked for? Now that’s even more weird.. I don’t do well with these things, I feel like I know my worth but my past really fucks it up for me. I think I’d be the type to really fuck it all up and it’s sucks because I wonder if I am making excuses that it’s not my time or am I really scared to really let go and just be real and just let life do it’s thing. I know I’m not ready for nothing new. That’s a given. A new friend I’ll take it.. Not forcing shit.
I need to just vibe out, do me and just wait and see how our path crosses. Now even over think it. I just know I don’t really know how to deal with my own emotions; the best way I know how to deal is run from them. It’s so nice though I can’t even lie. Bare minimum shit like wow have I really been selling myself short: To be respected, to be treated kindly and taken out and picked up and dropped off for a change. That’s different.. such a freaking gentleman. When someone is so kind, and is real and transparent with you and mad patient as well as seeing them work on themselves and have discipline. I have to admit it’s pretty sexy. Definitely gives someone some points. I haven’t dealt with a person who gives me conversation and has me question my goals and growth as well and just being straight understanding and insightful since.. never. But I’m doing my best to stay in my lane, we’re just friends nothing else too it. That sounds like my best bet to play it safe. Just let things go naturally. I don’t need to get ahead of myself even if I did ask the universe for some of these things.
Today was super spontaneous and I’m not mad at it. This person seems like they just might bring the adventure out of me. Had me doing things I said I’d never do, I never thought I’d do. And even if we’re just friends that’s wassup. I could fuck with it. One thing I learned is that if it’s for you, it will be for you. So hold tight and enjoy the ride.
Back too it. Infusion pt2 #lupuswarrior
I’m going to be honest. Having an autoimmune disease becomes such a big part of who you are and as much as you want to believe you’re this idea of normal, or healthy, your body will remind you that you’re just not like other people and that’s okay. We all come with different types of obstacles in our lives whether we chose to share them or hide them and this one is mine. But I chose to fight every day no matter how long it takes. I’m just thankful that I still get to live the life I choose to live and I learn how to do that daily. Listen to your body. Take care of yourself. There’s only one YOU.
“There’s really no shortcut to forgetting someone. You just have to endure missing them everyday until you don’t anymore.”
— Unknown
I think the wheels fell off..
“When one door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us.”
— Unknown
This….
“I know this transformation is painful but you’re not falling apart; you’re just falling into something different, with a new capacity to be beautiful.”
— William C. Hannan
This is the one.